Being quiet

Where have I been for over a month? I've been being quiet. (Well, first I went to Puerto Rico, and then I was quiet.) I've loved writing in this space, but lately, I just haven't had a clear direction in my life. So I've been quiet while I try to figure out what's next. Lately, life has gotten the best of me.

Every day is busy. Every evening is packed with my to-do list that never ends. Every moment is filled. Every second is noise. There's no time to do the things I love. I'm barely running, barely reading, barely speaking to friends and family. Last week, I decided to stop and get away, even if for only an hour.

On a gorgeous sunny day, I left work to grab lunch, intending to drive thru Chick-Fil-A like I always do, and rush back to my desk to keep working. And then I changed my mind. I saw the drive-thru line madness, thought of the intercom that never understands me, and I took myself out to lunch at a little cafe on our downtown square. Table for one, please.

I felt the breeze. I soaked up the sun. I was quiet.

And when lunch was over, I still wasn't ready to leave my solitude. Working out lately has been sporadic and half-hearted. I certainly can't call it training, even though I have a race this weekend (and no, I don't want to talk about it). So I decided to use my quiet time to move my feet. I was in business clothes, so I didn't run. Instead, I left my car on the square and walked about a mile or so back to the office. Down my favorite street in the world. Through someone's sprinkler.

I got back to my desk a little damp and with a smile on my face. And after work, I did it all again to retrieve my car. There are a lot of days when I drive straight to work, sit at my desk for hours, and drive straight home and sit on the couch. But not this day.

I'm determined to have more days like this. Even if I only spend 30 minutes, and whether it's walking or running or riding my bike, I will spend more time being quiet. Then I'll figure out what's next and find my voice again.