In just a few days, I'll be running a half marathon. I can't believe the race is finally here and I've actually volunteered and paid money to run 13.1 miles. I don't know what I was thinking.
My last couple of runs have not gone well, even though last time I planned better, and I am not confident about being able to handle 13 miles. My longest run ever was 10 miles - over two weeks ago - and I haven't been able to run that far again since. I'm not setting any time goals for this race. My only goal is to finish it. There will be at least 1,000 runners, and I'm hoping to finish in the top 900. I know I'm being a downer, but I'm just ready to get this over with and stop worrying about it. The fear of failure has kept me from doing a lot of things in my life. This isn't one of them, but that doesn't mean I'm looking forward to it either.
April is going to be a big month for me. I'll run my first (possibly only) half marathon. I'll turn 30. I'll celebrate three years with my husband, and I'll take my dream vacation to Maui. I'll also celebrate four years at my job, which I'm very proud of. So no matter what happens Saturday, I'm happy with where I am and what I've accomplished. Whether I cross the finish line with a smile on my face or hurl on my shoes, this little journey has been good for me. I've incorporated exercise into every single day, which is something I never thought I would do. I run, I terrify my dog with walking lunges, I ride my bike and I jump rope without a jump rope with Jillian Michaels. I do something to work up a sweat every day, even if it's just a quick 20 minutes for crunches and push-ups. I'm getting healthier, and I feel better. And most importantly, I can wear (most of) my pants again AND sit down in them.
I've also become more conscientious about my diet. When you're training, you can't eat tacos and then go for a run. Trust me; I know. It ends badly. Things that may taste good no longer make me feel good. I'm eating better so I'll have the fuel I need to run and making sure I'm not taking in things that will leave me sluggish. I haven't given up pizza, but I've cut back to once a week, and I feel sufficiently guilty about it. However, when I finish this race, I am going straight to Chick-Fil-A and treating myself to a banana pudding milkshake that I've been hearing such wonderful things about. And I will happily drink all 780 calories of it.
Until then, I leave you with my latest playlist pick: Florence + The Machine. She's scary, but I don't have to look at her when I listen to my iPod.
Run fast for your mother and fast for your father;
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers.
Leave all your love and your longing behind;
You can't carry it with you if you want to survive.